Abyss of Fatigue V2

Monday, April 28, 2008

100


I moved to this blog because MSN Spaces was not easily customized. This is the 100th post, read through all my 99 previous post.

With my job, it’s hard for me to catch up with my friends. This space allows me to share my stories with people who care for me (I hope :P)

I also use Blogspot’s draft to keep a personal diary. Most of my post is about my traveling adventures, happiness and ranting on my life/job. Due to the ranting, I rather keep my colleagues away from my blog. Until few days back, Stephen reminded me about my blog being not discreet enough. Shit, I forgot he’s my colleague now and he’s reading my blog.

Sorry to say that this entry will be tainted with sadness as I’m still recovering. Always think about the amazing moments that we had. Everything reminds me about them. So so so so many of them. I wonder whether she can recall any happiness from our 1880 days together…… Does she sincerely want to be friends? Will it help if I found what she asked me to look for? Will she keep her word? Why can’t she be sincere with me since the beginning? I’m no longer myself. So many question, so many heartache. Tried to call her, ended every call below 1 minute. May be its fate, may be its something else.

Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I hope.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Multi-Post


Give it to me free
It's been a hard time for me last few weeks. Work was pushing me to the limit. When a job makes you plan to resign a few times in a project, you have no motivation to do your best; you just want to get it done whether you win or lose the tender. Finally its coming to an end, although it's still mind torturing. "You did comply to this right? I don't see it in your quotation so it'll be free". Sigh, kawan, its few hundred thousand la...... How to answer to boss?

Domo Arigatou Gozaimasu for the happy times
Another low point is I'm alone now. May be most of you will be surprised but the thing is we had plenty of problems. Just didn't want to show our dirty laundry to the world. At least we are in good terms now, I hope. I sincerely wants us to be friends, give me some time. I respect her decision.

Time to psyco him to stay - Evil Moolah
To balance up my fragile state now, my boss called me up yesterday to inform me about my increment. It'll be in this month, 17.5%. When he mentioned to me, he was worried I would not be happy. He slowly explained to me that people who get rating B will be within 3% range. He's not a big fan of giving A to anyone (my average colleague got C. For average, its suppose to be B) so I'm actually quite contented. He further assured me that this reflects my day to day performance and there would be another special increment for winning this project.

I need to exploit the chance
Like I've mentioned, I'm actually contented but someone told me something meaningful. I've proved my worth to the company. Bringing in USD30-40M is no small feat, 70000 (directly related) staff have a job because of these deals. Even if company decides to give me another RM1000. After 24 months, it would only be USD7200 or 0.02%.

More Misery, More Opportunity
Seems like I'll be staying put for sometime now. My boss told me that I won't handle RFI (Request for Information aka main main just want to know the price) anymore, only RFQ (Request for Quotation aka betul betul mau beli). Surely you guys will hear more grumbling and complaining here from me, sorry folks. Plan to do this 1-2 years more. Since I'm alone now, I'm also considering moving to HQ or Hong Kong. The position Senior Product Manager is so tempting, but I think I can't live up to it yet.

New hobby
Oh ya, I got my new toy already. Wakakaka, Sony Alpha 200 DSLR. I tell you, ini hobby manyak mahal oh....... so many accessories came with the new toy, more to come soon. One thing which is so typical about Damien aka Bing, he lupa bawak the battery charger of the cam to Pinoyland, sigh.

Take a break
Spoke to Daniel the last time around I went back, will keep to my word of getting a diving license. When my job is done, will take 1 weeks off from boss, crossing my fingers. There are 7000 islands here, does the top dive spot sound tempting?

Signing off now, have to go into office. Yes, I don't have a life, I work 7 days a week.

ps. We are still hiring, never ending process. Many leaving after getting sucky increment. If survival of the fittest sounds good to you, drop me a mail.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Its far from over


Updates on myself:-
Broke my personal record. Was awake and working for 40 hours straight.

Song that I'm listening now:-
Elvis Presley - Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

How do I let go my stress:-

Belum kira lagi the binge sessions