Things not to say

I never heard/knew/thought about such a terrible thing could happen and I think even the worst person on earth shouldn't experience what we've gone through.

However, here are somethings that I really dread to hear.

1) It's ok, you are still young. There are many more opportunities.
If it's a miscarriage in early pregnancy which is very common, then this would be appropriate. Let me put it this way, it's not my baby is not here yet, my baby has left. No other baby can replace my baby.

2) I hope that you can get over it soon/I hope that you can be normal again
I'm sorry, I'll never be the same again. Hang around with me more, may be you'll like the new me.

3) Someone was asking how am I doing now and I said I've only slept very shallow and thought about many things. To my amazement, he replied, "Yeah, that's how humans become more mature".
Does everyone have to go through this to be more mature? This is happening to me because I'm immature? As i've said, even the worst person should not experience this.

4) Tell me when you want to have a drink
This is not something that i want to forget and bury my sorrow by intoxicating myself.

5) If you don't know what to say, just say I'm so sorry. Don't have to pretend and try to convince me that you know how I feel. I think only parents can imagine what we are going through but will never really FEEL what we are going through.

Things that made me feel better:

1) Chloe is an angel now, the purest of angels. She has never felt any pain and faced this cruel world.

2) I will pray for her

3) People who really care. Thanks.

Funny incidents

The excitement of expecting a baby can't be explained. I was buying so many things and Amelie had to stop me so that she gets to go shopping for Chloe. There were indeed some funny stories when we were shopping.

There was once we went to buy a baby car seat. We were at the traffic light waiting to cross the road and it was drizzling. I stepped in front to press the pedestrian button and when I looked back, Amelie's gone. I was looking left and right can't find her. She was giggling away hiding under the shade in the nearby shop.

Another funny incident happened when we were doing our weekly groceries at a wholesale market. Half way through, I suggested to bring some stuff back to the car. When I got back to the market, the mobile phone network was having problem. There's coverage but you couldn't call or message. The place must be bigger than 2 football field and was tired from searching and I went to the information center. Borrowed their phone to call but as Amelie was on the same network so the call can't get through. The only option was done with rows of blaring speakers "Amelie, your husband Damien is at the information counter waiting for you, please come to the information center." Amelie was telling Chloe, "let's pick up your daddy" as she was walking over.

Our Heroine

Amelie is such an amazing mum. She did much more than what I expect a mom would do. She asked around for the best doctor and we've decided on Dr. Terry. She would go for a walk everyday in the park after dinner and I still feel bad that sometimes I was not able to accompany them.

During the 1st trimester, she would vomit quite frequently but I've NEVER hear a word of complain from her. Amelie is definitely a heroine in our family.

Amelie borrowed a stethoscope, we would play hide and seek with Chloe. Almost every night, we used the scope on Amelie's tummy moving inch by inch and we would be so happy when we found Chloe's heart. There would be days where we couldn't find it but we just shrug it off attributing it to the entry level scope that we are using. After a few weeks, the scope started to emit loud tapping sound that it was annoying to use and we stopped listening to Chloe's heartbeat and instead just waiting for her to kick mummy's tummy.

As we were planning to have a baby, Amelie took elevit everyday before we knew about Chloe. Dr Terry recommended fish oil tablets as well and since then, she took elevit and fish oil everyday. She wants the best for our baby and this journey made me love her even more.

By 6 months, Amelie's bump became big. Her hands and legs would swell but she wouldn't complain. She would tell me just to let me know it's uncomfortable but she's ok. This is when a walk in the park starts to get hard as it was hard for her to walk around and it was winter here, but she pushed on.

Amelie used her finger to press on her swollen feet to make a crater that will slowly subside which both of us giggled. I know she's very proud to have Chloe and Amelie's complexion and smooth skin says it all. I honestly thinks that she's very beautiful.

That's my Baby ❤

It was late last year (2010) when we were both planning to have a baby. We knew the cooling period for the health insurance so the plan is to get pregnant by June this year.

One night in March/April, Amelie told me her period was late so the nest morning, I went to the supermarket to get a pregnancy test kit. We I came back, Amelie did the test. It was supposed to be 2 stripes but one of the stripe was faint. I called up the helpline to confirm and the lady on the line was kinda monotonic in explaining that there's a high chance it's positive, seems like she's very bored with her job.

On this side, I was so happy, so so so happy. Amelie was initially confused because I'm capped when we were doing it. Until now, we don't know when did she got pregnant.

Throughout the pregnancy, I took time off work to accompany Amelie for checkups. During the first checkup, the doctor showed us Chloe's heartbeat and then put the recorded sound through the speaker. I was so touched to see Amelie is carrying our baby and Chloe's heart is pumping strong. In my heart, I was shouting "That's my baby!".