Emotional (Downhill)

One of my friend's blog kept staying in my mind. Jackal also just broke up recently.

The title of his blog is你读到第几句心疼了？Frankly, the first sentence cause a streak of warm tears flow down my cheek.

1.我以为小鸟飞不过沧海，是以为小鸟没有飞过沧海的勇气，十年以后我才发现，不是小鸟飞不过去，而是沧海的那一头，早已没有了等待…… 　　　　　　
Since we were together, I've tried my best to make her happy. She was mad at me because S was bugging us. All these years although it’s not my fault, I’ll just swallow it and try to make it up.

The first sentence really explains how I feel. I’ve been trying hard thinking/phyco-ing myself that I didn’t do enough. In the end I found out that it’s not that I didn’t do enough, it’s her who never open her heart.

4.带著一根烟.浪迹天涯……
Have you sold something that does not exist? Imagine when you check with Supply Chain Department, the answer you get is the product is still with R&D. When you call R&D to verify, R&D replied that the BOQ that I prepared was good for quotation only and it’s not fit for consignment.

Philippines office is trying to offer me an increment and promotion so that I’ll stay here for delivery/implementation. Honestly, trying to deliver something which does not exist will be hell. No amount of money will make me stay here.

(1)
My line manager is asking me to be based in Thailand to head South East Asia Network Design for WiMAX. The problem is I don’t like to do network design. I need to love my job to excel. Will try to renegotiate the work scope with him. If all fails, then I’ll consider option 2.

(2)
The offer to HQ is still valid. The impression of HQ’s big boss in me is getting better. Many personal encouragement e-mails from him. To put things into perspective, if you look at his organization tree, there should be at least 500 staff of my level.

(3)
There’s a nagging sound at the back of my head telling me quit all these so that I can go back. Shall I choose running away from my sadness or give it another try?

8.回家的路上我哭了，眼泪再一次崩溃了.无能为力这样走着，再也不敢骄傲奢求了。我还能够说些什么，我还能够做些什么？我好希望你会听见， 因为爱你我让你走了……
I agreed to go separate ways because I respect her decision. I’ve done a few despicable/bad things hence this outcome. But it does not mean that this is what I want, 5 years is not a short time. I’m so accustomed to have her in my heart and mind.

11. 脸上的快乐，别人看得到。心里的痛又有谁能感觉到.
Many will see my carefree attitude towards life. How many of you have sat down with me to listen to me. To those who had, from the bottom of my heart, thanks.

12.分手后不可以做朋友,因为彼此伤害过.不可以做敌人.因为彼此深爱过,所以我们变成了最熟悉的陌生人.
This is slightly different from the statement above; she hopes that we can be friends. So we’ll be the most distant close friend.

Very emotional recently, imagine I quarrel with a customer at Director's level. Started my drinking session again. Don't worry, 500ml of Soju is good enough for 3 days.